Welcoming Denial: Lessons from Five Decades of Creative Journey

Experiencing refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I started proposing manuscripts 50 years back, right after college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books rejected, along with article pitches and countless pieces. During the recent two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback every few days—amounting to over 100 each year. In total, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I could have a master’s in rejection.

However, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced rejection.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, almost every person and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, an editor turned down 20 submissions consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit articles only once a month.

The Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, every no stung. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my creation was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? How could they be ignore my talent?
• Next, denial. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to judge on my work? It’s nonsense and their outlet stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

So it went over many years.

Great Precedents

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Tales of writers whose books was at first declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and bid to star were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he stated.

The Final Phase

Then, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the last step of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have just published a like work, or have one in the pipeline, or just be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or the evaluator feels I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or was busy and reviewed my submission hastily to recognize its value.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain explanations for denial are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are your fault. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe an aspect about my grammar, particularly semicolons, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was 51, another, a personal story, at retirement age—and over numerous essays. These works have featured in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no book signings publicly, no appearances on popular shows, no speeches, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more readily handle rejection at this stage, because my, small accomplishments have softened the stings of my many rejections. I can afford to be philosophical about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but only if you heed what it’s indicating. If not, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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