This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.